Fear

...the fear of suppositories got my youngster out of bed today. The IV and the epidural are both gone, in-trade for Percocet and Valium, Taylor is on the nurses to get them on time. There will be NO lag time, just a nice even high! Last night we told the nurse we don't need anything but the narcotics, nurse left shaking her head "All I am to you is your dealer."
I am feeling better now that I got 4 hours of straight sleep, and the nurses have stopped avoiding me. Yesterday they would only approach the room if I was gone, but hey I am not here to make friends right? There have been a few instants where I have caught them lying because what I asked for is not what they wanted to give, like a female urinal vs a bed pan. The girl hurts when she lifts her butt how is she supposed to sit on a bed pan. Or how about the nurse who told a few days ago it twas Dr orders to get out of bed, it was just permission LADY!!! not orders.
Tay adventure out of bed, today, was a hard one. The spasms in her legs are so bad when she tries to move more then her arms, hence the Valium. We did a pivot transfer, I got to see just how tall my little girl has gotten, her chin is at my shoulders and I just wanted to stand there hugging her all day long. Tears of joy and tears of pain for her, I couldn't stop them from coming. I hope all her pain is worth it.
Our flight home arrives in Anchorage at 12:20 am on the 8th, Taylor's eat assigned to seats A B C D E F and G, I am sitting in seat ESC, wherever that is. sure glad I am not footing that bill. We asked not to accompanied home by the ambulance, but after today, John you better bring some more muscles because it took 4 of use to get her out of bed today.
Tay told me today she wished we could take a flight straight to Homer, because her family is the best support in crises. Between Grandpa Stan's surround sound, Grandpa Val's orthopedic sympathy, Grandma J's nurturing ways, Grandma's Terry's energy, Aunt Valette's twisted humor, okay there are to many of you... but she wants to see you all. Anyway if you are up to traveling north...I will throw the party. All is invited...maybe for mothers day weekend?Tay also wants you all to know she is not pushing you all away, she feels bad for not wanting to talk, she misses you all and is thankful the prayers and the support....and that goes for me too.